


Ye olde pirate vampire of London Town

by Prawnperson



Category: Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! (2012)
Genre: Biting, Established Relationship, Kissing, London, M/M, Vampires, alleyways, in other words sky is blue water is wet, scarf is sensible and the captain is a dramatic idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:03:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22800670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prawnperson/pseuds/Prawnperson
Summary: One of the greatest Victorian obsessions, along with organ crushing corsets and coughing up blood, was vicious vampires. One of the greatest pirate obsessions was trying to get your first mate into a quick cuddle.
Relationships: Pirate Captain/Pirate with a Scarf
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	Ye olde pirate vampire of London Town

Boring. Everything in London has become boring.

It’s not for want of trying to find something interesting, no, the Pirate Captain has been doing that for the past three days, but the simple fact of the matter is that their latest adventure holds no genuine excitement for him. The only thing that’s stopped him from cutting it short is the crew’s excitement about it, for he isn’t even that fond of the bloke they’re helping. A Robert somebody or other.

So, the natural solution that comes to his mind is that he should find some way to occupy the time.

The first suitably dark alleyway they pass through is the one he drags the pirate with a scarf into, easy and eager, not entirely certain how it’s all going to play out. His first mate goes willingly but still a little confusedly as he almost always does, and only seems to catch on whenever the captain cages him in with his back pressed to the wall, hands at either side of his head.

“Sir, this doesn’t seem at all wise.”

It’s so predictable. So dry and sensible and yet for some reason, it only serves to excite him more. Comes off as so deliciously harsh that he just wants to coax distinctly not sensible things out of him. 

“What on earth are you talking about? You don’t know what I plan to do.”

But even as he says it, he leans in closer, cutting himself off with a kiss that’s reciprocated quickly despite his first mate’s previous skepticism. Feeling hands land on his shoulders, the captain takes the hint to return the touches, maybe even go a little further, pulling his hand away to rub his thumb into the dip of the pirate with a scarf’s hip through his trousers.

“Oh, no!”

“What?”

The pirate with a scarf squirms out of the kiss. If the Captain were to try and gauge his current state, he’d put him at about two thirds loving annoyance and one third eagerness.

“We are going to get arrested!”

“That’s sort of the whole point of what we do, isn’t it, number two?”

“If we are going to get arrested, I’d like it to be for sword fighting in a public area, or thievery, or essentially anything other than this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely, but-“

The Captain stays silent, instead opting to pull the shorter pirate’s signature scarf to the side, feathering tender kisses to the pulse point, so light they’re barely there. He knows it drives him mad. He knows full well. He can feel his first mate squirm and wriggle against him, the occasional hum passing his lips.

“Captain...”

It’s a soft little warning. He knows, however, that his resolve is quickly crumbling. This is the game that they play, and more often than not, blatant enthusiasm will win out over sensibility. Sure enough, the pirate with a scarf giggles at last, followed by a soft sigh and a nod. 

“Alright...go on, then.”

Wickedly, he scrapes his teeth against the soft skin, motioning to bite down like a penny dreadful vampire, and-

“No!!”

However, this time, the noise comes out as slanted and high pitched, off kilter for his number two. He winces apologetically, hand coming up to rub his shoulder.

“Look, I’m sorry, Number Two, we don’t actually have to do anything. I was only joking.”

“No, Captain, there’s somebody there!”

And whenever the Captain flicks his gaze to the side, trying to be subtle, he can see a petrified looking vendor standing at the edge of the alley. Not in anyway disgusted, no, but wide eyed and shaky. The Captain can’t help but smile, even as his first mate mutters curses and goes to move.

“Hang on a minute. Just you stay still, I have an idea.”

The pirate with a scarf dutifully remains in place, although he doesn’t stop fidgeting. The Captain braces his arms, leaning back and baring his teeth in a theatrical snarl. His first mate’s eyes go wide, as wide as saucers, slinking ever so slightly down the wall in a very convincing display, whispering mock pleas of mercy, every bit the weak and helpless naval officer. With a growl, the Captain descends upon his companion’s neck, trying to make it appear as though he’s sinking in needle sharp fangs and not just nipping at the skin. In turn, the pirate with a scarf yelps and whines, tossing his head back and scrabbling at the Captain’s back before slumping down as though drained, limp like a rag doll in the bigger pirate’s hold. The man at the end of the alley drops the tray in his hands and immediately scrambles, shouting to other market patrons. Both pirates are sure they can hear the word ‘vampire’ in the mix of cries. 

“Fantastic job, sir. We’ve evaded arrest in favour of everybody thinking you’re a vicious, black hearted vampire and I’m a helpless maiden.”

The pirate with a scarf says, dry as ever, once again spooling his scarf around his neck and tying it tighter than usual.

“Well, I was a black hearted rogue, number two. The two aren’t all that different.”

“So now what? Every time someone from this area encounters us, you have to pretend to bite me and I have to fall to the ground like a sack of potatoes?”

“Nobody said that you had to fall down, you did that yourself. Besides, I caught you, didn’t I?”

The pirate with a scarf rolls his eyes and begins to make his way out of the alley to rejoin the rest of the crew, the Captain dragging along in tow, a little disappointed. Suddenly, an idea pops into his head.

“Would it not be more convincing if the biting was real?”

“Captain!”


End file.
